(FOR)GIVE, THANKS!

by Simone Oliver

 “²⁶Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,²⁷ and give no opportunity to the devil.” (Eph. 4:26-27, ESV)

I love Thanksgiving!  Don’t you?  More than Christmas, more than Resurrection Day, Thanksgiving Day transcends religion, race, gender and all of the stuff the “isms” are made of.  Anyone and everyone can find at least one reason to give thanks.  BUT, Thanksgiving can also be a stressful, messy time for families.  A time when along with the turkey at the table, bad blood and bickering often take a seat as well.  Ever present and unresolved conflict seem to surface under the stress and tension preparing for family gatherings and holidays.  So along with saying, “thank you”, we may also need to say, “I forgive you”.

It seems that forgiveness is easier said than done.  It certainly is easier for some than it is for others.  Out of sight is usually out of mind so even when we think we have forgotten, old wounds can resurface in the presence of those we don’t see often and resentment can begin again.  Some people finding it easier to forgive than others is just an innate characteristic, but all of us have the capacity to forgive.  We can choose to make the mental shift in our thinking, being assured that for every commandment there is enablement. Making that choice allows us to develop genuine compassion for the offender(s) and make a conscious decision to trade our anger for peace.  It doesn’t matter how the offender chooses to respond or if s/he responds at all, our capacity to forgive and let go of anger and resentment affords us the benefit of being at peace with ourselves and with God.  It helps to realize how many times we’ve been forgiven by others and the atonement of Christ Jesus for our lives.  When we consider all that Christ has accomplished for us, then we must be mindful of how powerful and necessary forgiveness is for ourselves and for others.  There is nothing more humbling and gracious than to be offered forgiveness by one we have offended. The sense of peace and rest that is experienced is incredible. To know that what has been broken among siblings, friends, or neighbors is now fixed is a sweet gift.  However, there are some relationships that cannot and should not be restored.  The offense was so horrific that the relationship is irreparably broken.  Yet, even in this we are commanded to forgive.  The relationship may never be restored, but letting go of anger, resentment or the desire for revenge restores our peace and well-being.  If we believe in God’s unconditional forgiveness of our offenses, then we have wonderful point of reflection as we work to forgive other.  Sometimes, forgiveness is a process.  (For)give, thanks!

Simone Oliver has journeyed from tragedy to triumph, from victim to victor, and from surviving to thriving after a horrific, violent attempt to end her life.  She is a passionate preacher, educator, and advocate for women who is committed to the spiritual care of women and girls, bringing healing to their wounded hearts through God's grace.

Simone is Executive Director of New Day Ministries, Inc. which she founded with her husband, Allen, to combat gender-based violence and create safe sanctuaries in all churches.  

ACCEPT CHANGE & SLAY 'EM

As I thought about how to tell you how to adapt to change, the 5 things to keep in mind and how much better your life would be if you embraced change, my bus was late.  Living in New York and dependent upon public transportation is not for the faint of heart.  It was one of those mornings, after a holiday, where it was the more than the usual difficulty rising for work.  I had come to terms with not being able to be at my desk before 8:00 a.m. However, I knew if I were out of the house by 7:00 a.m. I could be at work by 8:10.  Welcome to the changes in my day where I did not have control:  MTA.  However, I did have control over the coffee I forgot by the door and choosing not to get up and out by 6:40 (which I think is ridiculous that I have to do to ensure an easier commute) to arrive by 7:45 a.m. Upon arrival at work, there were pressing issues that caused me to change the plans that I had for the day; it ended with some issues that would need to be carried into the next day.    Change is that shift that occurs in life.  It is positive and negative, large and small and it is constant.  This is a coping article for change from someone who has practiced change management, understands the importance of positively dealing with change and who can still  be negatively impacted by change, allowing my responses to not truly reflect my faith.  That's the first lesson; it is your response that matters.

It seems counterintuitive that change is constant.  Think about it, we have had days driving into work and there was construction.  Perhaps, in a city where there is mass transit that means the dreaded announcement: “this train is out of service”, “we are running the C  train on the F track”   or “your stop is undergoing construction, shuttle buses are outside”.  Change requires altering your route.  How did you respond?  Does how you respond also require a change in attitude?  If you, like me, have those moments where the response is too large and too negative for the occurrence, ask why?  What is going on with you? Why?  Are you lamenting today over something/someone that will not matter next week, month or year? In the situation I described to you earlier, I took a deep breath, said a prayer, asked a circle of friends for prayer and I remembered.  I remembered, the preacher on Sunday taught about Asa: the lesson was from 2 Chronicles 14.  Asa’s father passed away, he took over Judah and he made some changes.  He had the people tear down the idols, observe God’s law and he built up fortified cities. 

Change is necessary and it will be a natural part of the seasons in your life.  You can prepare by removing some things that hinder your journey and from the success you deserve.  Tear down some idols (those things you put before God).  Idols can be social media, alcohol in excess or some other type of chemical dependency, and/or following/idolizing people.  Are you in spaces that do not honor God or are under an Abijah (Asa’s father)?  Are you in church and God can't be found? Is there no love, are people being mistreated, or is the focus on serving the poor, the widows, uplifting and teaching the children and making disciples?  Are you at a job where there is no moral compass? Are you in a relationship that is not healthy? Asa removed the false Gods: we should go through the same purging process.  In observing God’s law, there is instruction.  If you turn to worry first, this charge will be a change for you.  We are instructed to pray and humbly ask God for what we need (Philippians 4:6). The part where a lot of us falter is: we are too impatient to listen and to wait.  After praying, God will provide instruction.  With the right response, it is possible to be at peace in the midst of a storm.   Asa did what God said and he was able to build because “the land was at peace”.   You will get understanding as you go through life and with understanding will come knowledge and if applied properly that knowledge will be wisdom.  Because Asa exhibited wisdom, his response was different than his father’s.

Know that once God reveals truths to you, situations have a way of revealing themselves.  Pay attention.  You may be in a space and/or place you have outgrown.  Is it a space that is dangerous to your mental and physical well-being?  If you are in a location where people are verbally, physically or mentally abusive, manipulating or exhibiting signs of multiple levels of aggression, you've got to leave. It may be a matter of seeing the circumstances of your location more clearly.  When God says move, you move.  Matthew 10: 13-14 says,   "And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you.  And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet."  Don't stay in places that are not good for you and are contradictory to all that is good.   Change your location.

In recent months, both I and my husband have begun school. This is a change that is both good and challenging and in addition to school, God has given us a word on how to move with regards to ministry and revealed some things to us to help us to understand how to proceed.  We have had people to blatantly try to discourage, demean and make us doubt Gods word.  The level of foolishness in your life can be heightened and veils will be lifted.  People who you believe support you really don't and they may have ulterior or self-serving motives; their true selves begin to show.    If you haven't prayed for discernment, the behaviors of others can catch you off guard.  I thank God for His favor, the gift of discernment and a strong prayer life with a man after God’s own heart.  The result of all the aforementioned blessings is that we are strong in our faith and are committed to serving God.  Change needs to happen; as you know, there is a season for everything.  Not everyone will understand or support.  Another lesson is when dealing with and understanding change, other people don't need to give you permission for what God has called, instructed and ordained you to do.  

Life is truly shaped by how we choose to handle change. You can respond in the present moment, when the change occurs as if you had chosen that change for that particular moment.  Dr. Henry Cloud, in his book Necessary Endings writes his first chapter on how the good cannot begin until the bad ends. This is a good change but in our humanness we are sometimes stressed even though we know certain things should end.  Cloud's book is a reference that I strongly recommend.  He also goes on to acknowledge that everything that ends is not all bad, but sometimes things have just run their course.  He provides guidelines for understanding how you handle change, understanding the seasons in your life and tools for having productive “endings”.  I've given examples of change in my life.  Think about recent changes in your life.  Could you have handled them better?  Are their people in your life that are not contributing to the growth and change in your life?  Cloud surmises that there are three types of people in this world: wise, foolish and evil.  You can't deal with them in the same manner.  In change, you have to learn to change.  Change the people you allow to speak into your life.  Change how you respond. Change what you share based on others not based on your personality and style. I haven't strayed. It’s not personal.  It's scripture. “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves.  Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves” Matthew 10:16. 

There are people you have to prune out of your life thus, change your circle.   However, what happens when it's you that needs the core change?  What is your outlook on life, have you made some mistakes? Have you had some pain from bad choices?  Do you think it's too late for you to change?  Read Acts 9 where Saul (who became Paul) "was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples".  The story talks about Saul persecuting until his behavior was interrupted.  He thought he was seeing clearly.  He thought he was on the right path until God shed some light on the situation and blinded him so that he could see clearer.  Has something ended or been taken away and you don't know why?  Maybe God is trying to help you see the situation a little clearer.  There are times in your life where you will need to see things differently and believe that with God, all things are possible.  Change your view.

I know that I know that I know that God has a calling on your life.  It is a journey tailor made just for you.  Have you been running from it like Jonah? Perhaps you have been taking advice from someone who wants to believe that you have to emulate them and their style to be successful.  You were not put here to be a carbon copy.  Authenticity is the key to your journey, pray about what God has for you and how He would have you operate in that space, in those blessings, and in your life.  Saul, the 1 Samuel 17 Saul, was looking for someone to fight Goliath of Gath who was big, looming, overbearing and intimidating to most people.   However, God had been preparing David all his life for a moment like this one.  No one else was willing to bring down the giant so David volunteered for the challenge.   Saul gave David his helmet and armor.   Various versions of the bible state that David had not "tested" or "proved" Saul's battle gear.  It didn't fit him.  What are you trying to "put on" that doesn't fit?  What role are you "playing"?  David got 5 smooth stones with his slingshot and slayed the giant.  Sometimes we make task, assignments and charges more difficult.  You have the skills and the tools to slay the giants in your life.  Change your methods.

It is my hope that you begin to understand that change just is and the better you cope the more your life can be opened to new and wonderful blessings.  Keep seeking out ways to positively handle change. Know that your response matters.  Who you allow to speak into your life will either help you grow and build you up or it will cause you to be faint hearted and deteriorate. Change your circle and wait; God will speak to you in different ways.  If you need to change your view He has been telling you.  How you decide to handle the giants on your journey matters so be authentic.  As you shift your future, walk in the path that God has for you.  Your territory will be expanded, and if you expand your mind and deal with change differently you may have to change your location.  

Be patient with yourself, accept change and respond accordingly.

Deirdre Simmons, PHR, SHRM-CP, entrepreneur, past president f SHRM Gateway, and most important role-wife, began Cast Your Net on the Right Side #NowWhat non-profit to bring a relationSHIPS dialogue to the community. This God-given vision provides biblically based practical instruction for men and women on everyday living while edifying participants.  There are 2 other business under the cast your net brand: Cast Your Net Travel and Smoove Stones.

This graduate of Purdue University is also an EEO Advisor, has a certification in HR and is currently enrolled at UCONN.

The former Deirdre Cash has been married to chef, trainer, chaplain, Minister Jerry Simmons for 6 1/2 years.  She has worked as a servant leader in several ministries however, wife is her first ministry.