10But may the God of all grace, who called
us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while,
perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
11To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen
(1 Peter 5:10,11)
We live in a culture that I
jokingly call, “Fakin’ Worship”. It
seems that the Praise and Worship movement that has overtaken our churches, has
created an atmosphere of false humility and false faithfulness. We have perfected empty clichés: I
am blessed and highly favored. I am too
blessed to be stressed. And when the choir starts to sing, Chile, we lift
our hel…, hol… (whatever) hands. You know, it seems like er’ body is walking in
the favor of the Lord and we got to get our “praise on”! We don’t even grieve at funerals
anymore! Somehow to cry is to be
faithless and unbelieving, but I know that he who loves much also grieves
much. Certainly we know we shall see our
loved ones again, but for the moment, the loss is great and no one should feel
ashamed or guilty for expressing their grief.
Have you ever noticed how people are expected to praise their way
through everything? Listen, I love to
worship, really I do! BUT, I also know
that life brings us trouble; it doesn’t always feel good and no one should feel
compelled to “praise” in their pain because often the best praise we can bring
to the altar is our tears.
Do you remember The Five
Heartbeats? Who doesn’t like that
movie?!? Well, I can’t think of
anyone! Most of us enjoy stories of
challenge and triumph -- of overcoming and beating the odds and certainly good
music helps; but, there is one line in the movie that had an impact so great
that I have never forgotten it Do you
remember Duck’s acceptance speech? “A
critic said, ‘Donald Mathews will be a great writer one day when he suffers
more.’ And I said to myself, what does that mean? Now I know what it
means.” Is suffering really valuable? Apparently God thinks so. Jesus often spoke of what he would suffer and
what those who followed him would suffer, but the truth be told, adversity will
find you whether you love Jesus or not and whether you believe it has value or
not. It’s just a part of life.
Let’s face it. Life is life and there are only two things we
can be sure of. The first is that we are
not getting out alive and the second is that adversity does not discriminate. That, along with sin, is the greatest
equalizer of human kind. All have sinned
and all will suffer. Job (14:1) said in this way: Man is born of
a woman is of few days and full of trouble.
But some suffer to bitterness and some suffer to “better-ness”. We often wonder how some persons face what
seems like insurmountable obstacles and not only survive them but remains
pleasant, graceful and productive while others face fewer obstacles and their
lives spiral downward and they are left stagnant, hateful, and toxic. Well, I think it comes down to how well we
choose to suffer. I know, I know! It seems that suffering and well should not
be in the same sentence. We can’t pick
our suffering, but we can choose how we’ll respond to it. I’d like to give you five necessary keys to
suffering well so that you can be honest and left better rather than bitter.
1.
Acknowledge your pain. Name your pain and give yourself permission
to feel it. Be as kind and gracious with
yourself as you are with others. God
understands the messiness of humanity; you don’t have to pretend to have an
unshakable faith. We all shake in the
midst of adversity. You can count on
having some bad days. Honestly, you won’t
disappoint God if you don’t have it together and your tears and disappointment
are not a measure of your faith.
2.
Trust
that God has a plan.
Nothing sneaks up on God, God just can’t be surprised. God knew about it before you did! Many say that God never gives us more than we
can bear, I don’t believe that. God
often gives up what we can’t bear so that God can bear it with us. God walks with us in our pain. God’s strength is made perfect in our
weakness. God is sovereign, just and
faithful and has a plan for our lives.
3.
Be open
to learning. As my siblings and I transitioned from tweens
to teens, my father was often heard telling one of us, “You’re going to have to
buy your own sense on that one.” What he
was saying that there were some things in life that we were going to learn only
from experience. Adversity can be an
opportunity for great growth if we are open to learning. It has the potential to mature us and make us
wise in ways that no other education can do.
4.
Be
patient. All adversity passes. Trouble doesn’t last always. In the Bible, there are 182 occurrences of
the word suffer and it’s various tenses and 522 occurrences of the word blessed
and its various forms. That lets me know
that God’s blessings in our lives far outweigh our adversities. So we can hope, even in the midst of pain
because of who God is and What God promises.
5.
Ask God
to meet you in your pain.
It’s a process. Getting over your
disappointment, anger, bitterness and unforgiveness may take some time. Keep praying about it and keep
practicing. Some days will be easier
than others. God has never called us to
bear the burden along. “What a friend we
have in Jesus. All our sins and grief to
bear. What a privilege it is to carry everything
to God in prayer.” This will compel you
to worship!
When you choose better instead of bitter, worship will naturally spring forth as you learn that God
is walking with you in your pain. When
you choose better instead of bitter, God’s presence will bring you
comfort, you will begin to glimpse a brighter tomorrow and you will know that
you can patiently wait the good things God has in store for your future. Kahlil Gibran said, “Out of suffering have
emerged the strongest souls.” Yes you
can be certain that through it all God will perfect, establish, strengthen, and
settle you—if you choose to be better instead
of bitter.
Simone Oliver has journeyed from tragedy to triumph, from victim to victor, and from surviving to thriving after a horrific, violent attempt to end her life. She is a passionate preacher, educator, and advocate for women who is committed to the spiritual care of women and girls, bringing healing to their wounded hearts through God's grace.
Simone is Executive Director of New Day Ministries, Inc. which she founded with her husband, Allen, to combat gender-based violence and create safe sanctuaries in all churches.
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